FEMINIST author Fay Weldon has declared the battle of the sexes over. "By and large, women are in charge of their own lives, can choose to marry or not to marry, to have children or not have children," she said at the Edinburgh International Book Festival.
Whether or not you agree that feminism is dead, it's true that women's lives have changed in the last few decades - most dramatically for the first generation of 30-somethings of the 21st century. Deciding to go back to university, travel or embark on a career change are choices that women can make at any age. The fact that more are doing so in their 30s is in stark contrast to the relatively limited lifestyle choices available to their mothers at the same age.
So is Fay Weldon right? Is this generation of 30-something women really able to have it all? Or is that a delusion, conveniently ignoring the experiences of many women who struggle with their lot in a pivotal decade of their lives? And who says women need to have it all anyway?
An exclusive survey for
Scotland on Sunday, offers some fascinating insights. It found that 69% of 30-something women strongly agreed that their lives are very different to that of their mothers at the same age, with the vast majority acknowledging - gratefully - that they have more choice today.
What has remained a constant, however, is the ticking of biological clocks. Lynn Jamieson, co-director for the Centre for Research on Families and Relationships, believes that having more options presents a new dilemma: what to prioritise. "Most people still want long-term partnerships and children, but because women are more affluent and have a lot more choice, it seems easier to achieve in some ways but harder in others," she says.
"Today's 30-something women have almost become a try-it-and-see generation," agrees Sheila Panchal, a psychologist. "There are so many things on offer now that women don't necessarily want to commit before making the most of what's out there."
Claudio Monteiro.<br/>Picture: Phil Wilkinson<hr></hr>
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As a result, many are put off having children in their 20s. From the survey, almost half believe the ideal age to have children is in the early 30s, while a third of 30-something women say they do not have children because they are still waiting to find the right partner.
"There is a higher rate of childlessness now than there has been for a while," says Jamieson. "Because women have high expectations about who and what their partner should be, they take longer to find one and to set up what they think are the right conditions for having kids. But if you wait until your 30s for this, your fertility levels may have dropped, and some just won't manage to conceive."
Cliff Arnall, a psychologist, believes that having more possibilities means some women question whether or not to have a child at all. "With education now encouraging women into science and engineering, and businesswomen such as Nicola Horlick (who has five children as well as a high-flying City career) as real-life role models, women's career possibilities aren't limited to middle-management," he says. "Add to that the explosion of fashion and lifestyle magazines, all of which promote women's independence, and their aspirations are higher than ever."
But if the career possibilities seem endless, equality in the workplace is far from the norm. From our survey, 40% say their salary falls below their expectations and a quarter say they are paid less than their male colleagues. When the Equal Opportunities Commission surveyed 870 British companies, it found nearly one in five pay women less than men doing identical work.
But there is evidence that women in their 30s are more sure of what they want. While 32% of mothers who responded believe that having children has held them back to a certain extent in their career or education, an equal amount said it definitely had not.
"By the time you reach 30 a lot of the stuff that worries you in your 20s has been worked through," says Arnall. "Many women go through a quarter-life crisis in their early 20s - a time when the expectations of society and the media almost push you into being something you're not."
People use their late 20s and early 30s to take stock and think seriously about their future for the first time. "For example, they might start to question their relationship and job and whether they really want it for the next ten years," says Panchal. "For some this is a simple process, but others set themselves such high expectations it can be daunting trying to get to where you think you should be."
But even if 30-somethings get there in the end and are happier and more at ease than in their 20s, when it comes to making decisions they feel increasingly isolated.
"Whereas women would once have had support from the church, their extended family or local community, now there is less of a sense of belonging," says Panchal. "Even if you have spent your 20s doing very similar things to your friends, clustered together, people's lives often change in their 30s. Friendships possibly become more important but less accessible - if your best friend has had a child or moved to another city it may not be as easy to get together."
But if your own life seems far removed from that of your friends', it sums up the diversity of today's 30-something generation. And most liberating of all, says Panchal, is the feeling of being able to make decisions for yourself. "Today it's about 'what would make me happy?' as opposed to 'what would make my mother or friends happy?'."
The full article contains 981 words and appears in Scotland On Sunday newspaper.
