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T in the Park
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1

Boy Wonder,

06/10/2008 12:23:56
Ban toys completely. They get left alone and what doesn't get stolen after one day, is a soggy, bedraggled mess after a few days exposure. It's completely the wrong sort of memento to put on a gravesite!
2

john3,

06/10/2008 12:25:30
I cannot help feel for the bereaved but surely toys could be given to children.
3

Linmal,

Livingston 06/10/2008 12:40:09
#1 & 2 I agree wholeheartedly. I have every sympathy for parents who have lost a child. I cannot beging to know the pain which, thankfully, I have never had to bear, the nearest relative I have lost were my parents and that was hard enough. But I feel that these sort of things should be for the living. Give a child a toy who can enjoy it but by all means go and remember your baby there with dignity.

I have seen cemetries where people leave pieces of jewellery and even a can of beer and I find this to be tasteless and tacky and upsetting to other relatives.

Life is for living - I think about my mum and dad often, but I don't grieve for them on a daily basis, its just not healthy.
4

Alternative (High-Octane) Fuel Head,

Edinburgh 06/10/2008 12:48:41
#1 & #2:

I also agree.

I don't suppose you have a recipe for wet, soggy teddy bears do you Boy Wonder?
5

Linmal,

Livingston 06/10/2008 14:13:09
#5 No objection, as long as they also take into account the feelings of others who are also grieving.
6

FreddieIII,

Scotlandia 06/10/2008 15:11:53
Where did this tasteless sub-culture develop from? It is bad enough to have poor taste but quite the other to force your taste on others. Do they really think that leaving cheap teddy bears and other tat to rot is going to help you the grieving process? Best way is for the Cemetery to arrange for such rubbish to be given to a charity shop instead of it going near the area. Flowers should also be removed after one week.
7

Brian Ferrari,

06/10/2008 15:42:25
#7

I think you're being a bit harsh with the flowers.
8

gotalottosay,

06/10/2008 15:48:17
i think #7 you might be a wee bit too harsh there. referring to presents for children who have passed away as "cheap teddy bears and other tat" is a shade insensitive. its obvious you have never lost a child.
9

Arrow,

edinburgh 06/10/2008 16:41:06
it seems like this is another "import" from abroad this excessive grieving. it all seemed to start with the Diana episode and leaving flowers at the scene of accidents or deaths is another thing. i agree that it is different where parents lose their children but why toys that are just asking to get nicked. would it not be more relvant and provide some benefit if the toys could be given to some kids hospice or ward with a wee remeberance plaque in the ward with the name etc.
there seems to be no "closure" (another import!)after months but it seems to have to be public rather than private. is it that not to be seen to be publicly grieving is seen as being heartless/cold rather than grieving privately and getting on with life. where were we before "grief counsellors"? probably getting on with life but still not forgetting those who died.
10

Linmal,

Livingston 06/10/2008 16:43:44
#9 You don't have to have lost a child to know what is and is not in poor taste. Surely a nice floral tribute is better than a teddy bear left to rot and become tatty? I have every sympathy for bereaved parents, but you don't have to go to a cemetery to remember them, they will always be in your hearts. We all need to grieve in our own way but we also need to remember that other people might find it distressing when they are visiting the grave of a loved one.

I would say a donation to a charity involved in research into child illnesses or something similar might be a better way to remember a child you had lost and perhaps making it possible one day to avoid another parent going through the same pain. And that would be a lasting memorial.
11

celtic4,

USA 06/10/2008 17:58:37
#10, I want you to know that people were leaving flowers at roadsides where accidents happened even before Diana's premature passing. It was never "started" by America, yet go ahead blame us for every little thing.

I have lost three children. Very seldom do I visit the cemetary because they are not there. They live inside my heart. When I choose to memorialize them, I donate toys to living children that might not have any.

Yet again, I agree that grief is a very personal thing. But common sense needs to be there as well. Why would anyone put a teddy bear, that will just get all soggy on a gravesite? Useless in my way of thought. Better to make a donation in baby's name or to grant toys etc to the children who are poor and may do without.
12

The real dracula,

06/10/2008 19:25:00
I agree the toys look tatty but it IS hard to tell people what they are allowed to do when grieving.

The saddest thing I came across is in a cemetery outside Edinburgh. There is a grave where a mum leaves a light on beside the grave of her son , because he was always scared of the dark. I'm sure it comforts her and does it really disturb anyone else ???.

Perhaps new rules could be brought in to restrict the amount left at the graves and also restrict the amount of time they are left.
13

Arrow,

edinburgh 06/10/2008 22:31:01
#13 i don't mention the USA in my comment and i apologise if i have offended you. what i meant was that previously British people got on with it if someone died (even if it was a child; not an uncommon thing when i was growing up in the 40s); there is a tendency among immigrant populations to express their grief in what might be charitably called execessive (loud weeping. wailing,falling about, fainting) which seems the norm in their home societies but seems out of place here. it is not the "stiff upper lip" approach but a bit more restraint might be more becoming.
14

celtic4,

USA 06/10/2008 23:16:25
Dear Arrow, You did not offend me, and I did not intend to sound as tho you did. This is the anniversary of my Dad's dying and maybe I was a bit too quick with my words.

All I meant was that yes it is hard to decide what a person can and cannot do in grieving but I do agree with what you're saying about wailing etc. There are countries who HIRE people to wail and cry at funerals.

 

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