Enjoy it, kids – childhood is now over at 12 years

Childhood seems to end too soon – but don't be misled by grown-up attitudes. Tristan Stewart-Robertson reports

EARS pierced, alcohol laced, staying out past 11pm or sleeping over with their boyfriend or girlfriend, all with parental permission. Is this now the picture of a Scottish 11-year-old?

A new survey suggests 55 per cent of parents think childhood ends by the time their youngsters toddle off to secondary school, as innocence gives way to the short-skirt brigade, armed with all the latest gadgets and no respect for authority.

Stresses on parents increase just as young teenagers feel their own weights of peer pressure, and the clash may be turning children into adults faster than anyone would want.

The survey results show 68 per cent of Scottish parents allow their children to drink at home before the age of 18, and more than half allow them to stay out past 11pm. More than three-quarters were worried about the crowds their children hung around with, and almost 80 per cent wish they were best friends with someone else.

Best-selling children's author Dame Jacqueline Wilson, who has made a career of writing from the perspective of children, said the real-life youngsters were growing up too quickly.

The 62-year-old author of the Tracy Beaker books has sold more than 50 million copies yet said she was "old fashioned" compared to her characters.

Dame Jacqueline said: "Nearly all the children in my books want to wear make-up and dye their hair and pierce their ears. Most of my fictional teenagers want to stay out as late as possible and drink alcohol.

"I think children act like adults at an alarmingly early age. I know girls are desperate to look cool but I wish they didn't all want to wear very high heels and inappropriately tight trendy clothes. I'm not saying all under-12s should wear puff-sleeved dresses and little white socks and tee-strap sandals, but at least you could run about and play properly in them."

The research – by Wilson's publishers, Random House Children's Books – shows parents are giving in to their children's pestering and allowing them adult freedoms earlier – in contrast with their own strict upbringings.

Tina Woolnough, chairwoman of Parents In Partnership, an Edinburgh-based support network, said just because children looked more grown-up on the outside, that did not mean adults should forget there was still a child inside. She said parents were also subjected to peer pressure but that most did their best.

The mother of three said: "I don't know if parents want their children to grow up quicker. It's very difficult to use tough love and set children strict parameters. We are more uncertain and more cautious as parents, but I'm not sure why.

"Children are more exposed to things that used to clearly belong to an adult or teenage world. There is an adultification of children going on that's detrimental to childhood. It's a real shame for children who never learn how to play and never develop imaginative skills."

Youth worker Douglas Creighton, 22, regularly sees those influences. He said access to TV and video games does have an influence, as do teen glossy magazines, which he recounted having to confiscate from primary pupils in his youth group. And he said while young people knew their rights, such as those entrenched by the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, they needed to learn their responsibilities as well.

He said: "Children are growing up more because of the media. Children have more authority than ever before – there's no fear of authority. But for every right they have, they have a responsibility."

Sometimes it is responsibility that forces hundreds of children to grow up years before they should. More than 110,000 young Scots are estimated to be carers for a loved one, often bringing them far quicker into an adult world.

Paul Carberry, deputy director of children services for NCH Scotland, said society had to ensure there was support to ensure children can be young. He said NCH was campaigning this year about "emotional well-being" that had a positive impact on their later lives.

"It's important we support parents, and as a community provide the opportunity to play and play safely," he said. "Young carers don't have the opportunity to be children, and the impact is these children will grow up quicker. We have to increase our support across Scotland for young carers."

Ian Maxwell, deputy director of One Parent Scotland, said childhood today was not all "doom and gloom", and youngsters still rode bicycles and played with dolls houses, even if they had computers as well.

He said: "Things are changing but what we have is some behaviour that was not common to young people. Children are still children, and they can still behave in childish ways."

But Mr Maxwell added that while children seemed to have freedom on one level, parents were also getting more protective. They might get "adult" luxuries, yet be driven to school. Ms Woolnough described it as "wrapping children in cotton wool" while filling their world with adult things.

Dame Jacqueline agreed. She said 10-year-olds could dress like pop stars, yet be "not big enough to walk themselves home from school". The former Children's Laureate said parents were right to want the best for their children, but should remember they were only children.

Her message to her young readers was equally clear. "Just be yourself," she said. "It's OK to be different. Just go with becoming yourself."


Crunching the numbers on modern-day family life



57% of parents allow their children to stay out past 11pm

68% Parents in Scotland who allow their children to drink alcohol at home before their 18th birthday.

36% Parents who permit their 16-year-old children to sleep the night at a boyfriend's or girlfriend's house.

57% Children aged 16 and under who are allowed to stay out past 11pm.

55% Parents who think childhood is over by age 11.

67% Children who are permitted to dye their hair and wear make- up by age 14.

32% Parents who have allowed their under-12s to have their ears pierced.

75% Scottish parents who say they give their children a far easier ride than they were given.

76% Parents who say their children have scant regard for their authority and regularly act against their will.

92% Parents who blame higher disposable income for turning rare treats into everyday purchases.

78% Parents who worry about the company their children keep.

68% Parents who say their children have approached another relative or guardian in an appeal to have their wish fulfilled, looking for the "soft touch" within the family.

79% Parents who wish their son or daughter was best friends with someone else.