THE nation's press reacted with disappointment when it was announced the Michael Jackson wasn't going to appear in person in London this week to defend a £4.6 million action brought against him by a Bahraini prince.
It is easy to understand their downheartedness: the Prince of Pop is never going to disappoint those looking for a good photo opportunity, whether he is wearing pyjamas in court to defend himself against child molestation charges, or dangling his own
baby over a hotel balcony. He must be known as a sure-fire banker among the snappers looking for a money-making shot.
But am I alone in thinking that the case's early settlement deprives a world severely in need of a little celebrity lunacy not only of the maestro of the wacko genre, Jackson himself, but also of what looked like a very able apprentice?
The chap intent on suing Jackson, Sheikh Abdulla bin Hamad Al Khalifa, is the guitar-toting, Harley Davidson-riding second son of the ruler of Bahrain. He was miffed, so the court heard, because Jackson didn't fulfil an obligation to release the sheikh's self-penned pop songs as charity singles to help victims of the 2004 Boxing Day tsunami and Hurricane Katrina.
Bankim Thanki, QC, appearing for the sheikh before the case was settled, said of the initial recording of I Have This Dream: "It shows the quality of Sheikh Abdulla's songwriting skills and that of Mr Jackson's voice."
I'm not denying Jackson's talent. Whatever else you may think about him, he is a brilliant singer-songwriter whose career has spanned decades despite his off-stage shenanigans.
But if you were to ask me of the sheikh, as Elizabeth Bennet did of Mr Collins in Pride and Prejudice, "Can he be a sensible man?" then I'd give the same response: "I have great hopes of finding him the reverse."
The court heard that the sheikh set Jackson up with a recording studio, before sending him his compositions. He paid his legal bills after the criminal trial, settled outstanding bills on his Neverland ranch and began to support Jackson financially in 2005 when it became clear that he was in very serious financial difficulties, "much to Sheikh Abdulla's surprise," according to Mr Thanki. Which makes His Highness possibly the only person who didn't realise that the star was stony broke. Nor is it ever wise to give someone nicknamed Wacko tons of money in the hope of some future recompense.
Of course, the biggest disappointment in all of this is not for either man, but that we, the world, will never get to hear I Have This Dream. It sounds like the sort of composition, even in a global crises, to make us all laugh like drains.
Bring them their bows of burning gold…HARRIET HARMAN is calling on Women's Institute members to complain to local newspapers about sleazy adverts. The hope is that the editors will be shamed into removing the ads, discouraging forced prostitution. It isn't a bad idea, to harness the natural instincts of the WI member to write stern letters, but why stop there? Despite trying to change their image, we all know that WI or SWRI ladies are capable of tackling the worst sorts of low life – even Prime Ministers. Apparently, such tweedy old birds were employed in colonial times to quell native revolts with just a sharp tone of voice projected over great distances. They can also reportedly cross any room in just three strides.
With such qualities, shouldn't Ms Harman be looking beyond newspaper reading duties, to the formation of an elite crime-fighting force? Pimps, vandals, petty thieves and those unable to make a decent Victoria sponge, be afraid.
• PITY the British couple who were accused of having sex on a beach in Dubai.
There was a time when a public sex scandal turned out to be a positive boost for a career, as experienced by everyone from Christine Keeler to the game folk on Big Brother. The least you could expect was C-list celebrity status, a round of photo shoots for the gossip magazines and perhaps a stab at the Christmas No 1.
Now that the Ross/Brand affair has made us all old-fashioned about such things, maybe all they have to come back to is shame.
The full article contains 734 words and appears in The Scotsman newspaper.
