WHEN you meet people in the flesh who you've previously only seen on television, they usually reveal themselves as characters much more subtle and shaded than they appear on screen.
With Ken Clarke and Peter Mandelson the opposite is true. In real life they are even more like their lurid caricatures. Clarke's return to the Tory front bench last week to shadow Mandelson is great news for those of us who prefer politics to have th
e whiff of grapeshot and greasepaint.
Mandelson and Clarke are the perfect rivals, a political Punch and Judy who show up the majority of their frontbench colleagues as the dull, grey journeymen they are. I once arranged to meet Mandelson for breakfast in the Balmoral Hotel in Edinburgh. Naturally, I ordered the full Scottish fry-up and a pot of strong coffee. Mandy asked for cup of warm water with a slice of lemon. The waiter looked at him like he was daft. Mandelson looked at the waiter like he was stupid. In conversation he couldn't have been more like his Prince of Darkness persona if he'd have been stroking a fluffy white cat.
I last encountered Clarke on one of his three bids for the Tory leadership and spoke to him in an anonymous room in a leisure centre in Perth. He was dressed entirely in different shades of crumpled brown, including the famous Hush Puppies. Knowing full well the trouble he was about to cause he cheerfully suggested that a Tory Party led by his rival Iain Duncan Smith would be a haven for former British National Party thugs and fascists. Labour beware. If this is how he treats his party colleagues, what's he going to do to you?
Mandelson and Clarke provide a perfect contrast and are therefore perfectly matched. They're the Blur and Oasis of the green benches. In many ways they will personify the political battles that lie ahead as Britain noses through the economic storms towards a general election. But who will have the upper hand?
On Friday the Office for National Statistics confirmed what we knew already – we are in a recession. But the Chancellor admitted the downturn was "undoubtedly sharper" than many – including himself – had predicted, with a 1.5% fall in economic output in the final three months of 2008. We knew it was bad. Now we know it's going to be worse.
Largely by default, Mandelson versus Clarke is going to be the forum where this country debates how we tackle the crisis. Alistair Darling vs George Osborne is never going to be anyone's idea of a compelling political spectacle. The Chancellor and his shadow have many attributes, but box office appeal is not one of them. They each have as much charisma as an ironing board.
So how much of an asset or liability are Clarke and Mandelson to their respective parties? On the face of it, Clarke trumps Mandelson on all the most important considerations. Mandelson's nickname in the early days of the Blair revolution was "Bobby", a New Labour in-joke that suggested he was Bobby Kennedy to Blair's JFK. It's unclear if Mandelson's vanity, to which this undoubtedly appealed, prevented him from realising the nickname was sarcastic rather than complimentary.
No one believed he had a fraction of the populist political appeal of his friend and boss. Ascetic and calculating, Mandelson is almost entirely lacking an ability to get ordinary people to empathise with him.
Clarke couldn't be more different. The persona of the bluff, no-nonsense, rheumy-eyed, well-lunched Notts Forest supporter with a fag in one hand and a pint of mild in the other is one people feel comfortable with.
More than any other post-war Tory politician he is actually likeable. (Labour has a comparable character on its front bench, but cheeky chappie former postman Alan Johnson is busy looking after the English NHS; a waste, say his many admirers.)
These attributes will surely give Clarke the drop on Mandelson when the key political challenge for the Tories is to communicate a belief that their instincts chime with the voters. What's more, Clarke is that rarest of animals – a former Chancellor who has nothing to fear from his record at the Treasury. On his watch (from 1993-7) there were reductions in income tax, inflation, unemployment and the budget deficit. Mandelson's main political legacy is the chaos caused by his resignations from Cabinet.
And yet…
Somehow I wonder if this is all too good to be true for the Tories. No party has such a talent for division and infighting, and nothing stokes those embers as vigorously as the views Clarke holds on the key issue of Europe. Do not underestimate the ability of right-wing Tory backbenchers to damage their party's hopes of regaining power through an instinctive lashing out at Clarke's enthusiasm for the euro. And don't underestimate the likelihood of Clarke rising to take the bait.
One of the remarkable features of the Blair years was how Labour avoided the Government being torn apart over Europe, even though it was a fault line between Numbers 10 and 11 Downing Street for a decade. The Tories have repeatedly shown themselves incapable of such sleight of hand. June 11, a good bet for the general election, is also election day for the European Parliament.
Could be interesting.
