OH, calamity. People do rabbit on some about recession. It's universal, they're saying. But everybody knows we've got it worse, thanks to Bumbling Brown and his shower.
What we need at this hour is uniformity, we're all in this together and, as it 'appens, tomorrow is Wear Your Uniform To Work Day.
It's mighty refreshing to see a soldier leading by example. Alexs Tomczyk, of Polish descent and a major in the Terr
itorial Army, will be going to work for a consultancy firm at the Gyle, resplendent in TA uniform.
Should you see Alexs at any time throughout the day, show due respect and salute briskly. I'm swithering whether I should report to the office in my RAF blue.
I'll be seeing at close quarters individuals for whom every day is Uniform To Work Day, their uniform comprising frayed, unwashed jeans, shoes that never see a brush and trolloppy trainers. I tell you, I despair.
Pillow talk Sheets to the wind. The pre-eminent Tracey Emin will be heading our way soon with her first major retrospective exhibition in the UK . If she brings her unmade bed with her to the Scottish National Gallery of Modern Art (August 2-November 9) we have to hope she's had the linen laundered.
I know a launderette in Leith that'll do the sheets cheap. Anyway, Tracey can bank on blanket coverage.
Meantime, she's telling us in a fit of the grumps: "If God really does exist, why does so much f*****g crap happen. There is never a helping hand, there is never anything supernatural sweeping down to save you." She's got a point.
What a hero Gets more ridiculous by the day almost. Our war hero Prince Willy is now to have a Joint Services Achievement Medal pinned on him by the US Coast Guard for his part in a drugs bust.
Willy was the spotter in the Lynx chopper that helped nab a speedboat crammed with cocaine. At this rate he'll soon be bristling with more medals than Mugabe.
Afterwords . .Meryl Streep talking: "What I try to do is deepen the humanity of each woman I play." C'mon sweetheart, you're starring in Mamma Mia, for heaven's sake! We're not talking Hamlet here.
The full article contains 377 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
