Heroes and Villains: Scotland fans and guess who

NB: we know that there are far more worthy heroes than those listed here - doctors, nurses, aid workers, Franck Sauzee, etc. Similarly, murderers, rapists and dictators are indisputably far greater villains. This column does not deal with them. It is designed to honour those who have caused surprise by their actions.

Heroes: Scottish fans
What is that in my mouth? Why, it's the bitter taste of defeat - a flavour as familiar to me - and indeed all Scots - as haggis, whisky and Irn Bru.

The qualification campaign that started with a stolen draw against the gallant little Faroes has ended with abject humiliation in Holland

And how do the Scotland fans react? Riot through the streets of Amsterdam? Throw Berti Vogts into a canal? Burn effigies of the whole SFA in Dam Square?

No. They dispersed to savour the delights of Amsterdam in a relaxed and good-humoured fashion.

Wha's like us? Yet another kick in the teeth and the Tartan Army just pick themselves up and party on. Brings a tear to the eye, so it does.

OK, so it being Amsterdam, it might not just have been their innate good nature that made them relaxed and good humoured.

Villain: Guess who?
I had planned to write something funny about George W Bush having the gall to come to Britain as part of his re-election campaign, but after the events in Istanbul yesterday I feel disinclined to make jokes.

Oddest story of the week: Naked rage
Scots scientists have invented a powerful scanner which can detect plastic explosives and illicit drugs. It's been installed and tested at London’s Gatwick Airport.

Unfortunately, it's sitting around unused as it's very good at detecting people's nude bits as well.