Fordyce Maxwell

Fordyce Maxwell: 'Grown men in odd outfits is as good a reason to switch off as Big Brother' FUNNY old game, poetry. Few manage to write it well, but human nature being what it is that does not stop tens of thousands having the urge to try and if you'd like to pause, think back and blush, please do. Luckily, most of us realise our mista

Fordyce Maxwell: 'These obsessives now send e-mails but they still think in green ink' THERE was a time when spring never began officially in Britain until the first letter to a newspaper claiming to have heard the first cuckoo.

Fordyce Maxwell: 'Even if the weather was a heat wave, a barbecue would not be in my plans' FLAMING June, eh? Heavy to monsoon rain for some, snow and sleet for others, low temperatures for all, with the usual proviso when referring to our wonderful weather "at time of writing". By time of publication it is quite possible that we&#

Fordyce Maxwell: 'Hysterical screaming and crying when you succeed? Please, no' THERE is a place for tears. One of the best wedding speeches I've heard was given by the bride's mother – a break with convention that should be heard more often – who said of the fraught-as-usual build-up to the occasion: "Yes, there ha

Fordyce Maxwell: 'A giant despair squid sucked all energy, joy and optimism out of the crew'

Fordyce Maxwell: 'We were all annoyed by the scale of the claims but few of us were surprised'

Fordyce Maxwell: 'It appears that I've only spent 32 days out of my life cutting the grass'

Fordyce Maxwell: 'We took our seat with the same reluctance as sheep being hauled from a pen'

Fordyce Maxwell: 'I had not seen a Beckett play on stage. Life always seemed too short'

Fordyce Maxwell: 'Diarrhoea? Constipation? Cough? Depression? Not when I came in'

Fordyce Maxwell: 'We have never taken to a five-day game that can end in a draw'

Book review: 'Comment is vigorous. Editor Scyld Berry unleashes bouncers at Twenty20 and slow Test over rates'

Fordyce Maxwell: 'We forced down a spongy meat while Jack muttered about the missing Alsatian'

Fordyce Maxwell: 'The injury reminded me the spirit might be willing but the flesh is weaker'

Fordyce Maxwell: 'For every so-called good cigarette there were at least 100 bad ones'

Fordyce Maxwell: 'Ferreting, shooting and snaring rabbits could become full-time hobbies'

Fordyce Maxwell: 'Irish journalists were the most likely not to appear at breakfast, or at all'

Fordyce Maxwell: 'Just what compelled this doctor to don a Stetson and sing about lost love?'

Fordyce Maxwell: 'Some writers were like war correspondents, predicting the end of the countryside'

Fordyce Maxwell: 'I never cared much for Blue Peter – with or without Sarah Greene'

Fordyce Maxwell: 'We know the adverts exaggerate… but, ah, the zing of a Sungold tomato'

Fordyce Maxwell: 'Being a reliable opening batsman outweighed my scientific cretinism'

Fordyce Maxwell: 'Why won't this chainsaw keep going?' 'Because you're a ham-fisted bugger'

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