Sex life that is not worth living

SEX was once something that only happened behind closed doors and was never discussed in polite society. Nowadays, little remains hidden and it is much more likely to be debated in colourful and explicit detail.

From glossy magazines telling us how often and how best to do it, to Hollywood films inspiring fantasies about the kind of people we would like to do it with, sex - or the idea of sex - is everywhere.

Modern society is no longer conditioned to hold back and we are freer than ever to engage in sexual encounters with whoever we choose, whenever we like. As illicit affairs become more common, there even seems to be a growing tolerance among partners who have been cheated on, despite the risks of unwanted pregnancies and contracting sexually transmitted diseases.

But is a society that shies away from monogamy and traditional family values and accepts an anything-goes attitude in trouble?

Despite the recent change in the law toughening up penalties for kerb-crawling, street sex is still readily available in the city - for those willing to seek it out.

Although some girls have been driven off their traditional patches, an Evening News investigation earlier this year revealed the sex trade is still alive and thriving behind closed doors.

We uncovered prostitutes operating in flats throughout the city selling half-hour sex-sessions from as little as £60.

And it's no secret that saunas throughout the city are simply brothels where girls sell a variety of "services" in addition to massage.

It seems "the oldest profession in the world" just refuses to shut up shop, with more than 400 kerb-crawlers being stopped by police during a month-long crackdown in October. To supplement this diet, a new Evening News investigation has revealed that an industry is springing up to cater for those with more specialised tastes.

But is our seemingly growing obsession with gratuitous sex damaging our society and undermining decent family values?

Roman Catholic priest Ed Hone believes it is. "If we treat sex as a matter of free will, as just an act, we end up with all kinds of consequences, and society will be damaged," he warns. "We need to treat it properly and respectfully and carefully."

One consequence is the high chance that a devil-may-care attitude might end up leaving you with a sexually transmitted infection (STI). Make no mistake, engaging in unprotected sex is riskier than ever, with treatment clinics in Scotland experiencing a 13 per cent rise in business between 2005 and 2006.

"People often think STIs only affect young people," says Rebecca Findlay, from the Family Planning Association. "But in today's society, people are in and out of relationships more frequently than previous generations.

"People in their 30s or 40s might be starting their second or third serious relationship. And people in their 50s often don't think of the worry, perhaps believing they won't need contraception if they have gone through the menopause. It is important to remember that STIs can affect anyone, no matter whether they are 18 or 58."

But while the outlook of older generations towards sex may seemingly have evolved over a lifetime, some are concerned that too little guidance is being offered to children - something that is damaging their chances of forging healthy relationships of their own.

"Since so many people have given up on the church, people are looking for guidance from somewhere else and there is not much around," says Edinburgh-based relationship therapist Mirabelle Maslin. "Young people look to their peers rather than their parents and they need some sort of moral direction.

"And when they grow up, many adults seem to view sex as an activity and not as a communication. Because it can be satisfying on a physical level, people use sex as a basis for closeness, but sex on its own can't provide proper closeness and intimacy."

Against a backdrop of rising rates of teenage pregnancy, some argue that much more needs to be done in our schools to make children more cautious about experimenting with sex.

While there has been no shortage of cash spent making sure teenagers know something about sex and contraception, the £5 million of Scottish Government cash that has been spent on establishing teen advice centres in the Capital during the past six years has not dented the teen pregnancy rates. Indeed, figures released earlier this year showed there were 120 pregnancies a year among 13 to 15-year-olds - a 31 per cent increase in ten years, and more recent NHS statistics showed that two schoolgirls a week were falling pregnant in the Lothians.

"You can't have social, education and health services working in isolation, they need to be linked to provide teenagers with the advice they need to show them they have choices," says Ms Findlay.

"If they believe they have no education prospects or will only go into a badly paid job, then having a child might well be a preferable option, but if they had other options they might not go down that route."

Father Hone, of St Patrick's Church in the Cowgate, also believes that sex education is too narrow, and teenagers are not getting the message because they have no moral awareness of the consequences of their actions.

"The teaching needs to be broadened, so it's not just about the mechanics of sex but is also about the moral values and relationships and how that impacts on society and the kind of society we are creating," he says.

As the taboos diminish and we are more inclined to talk openly about what goes on behind closed doors, is this new-found liberation satisfying our wider needs?

Ms Maslin says that while no-strings-attached sex is a symptom of an uncommunicative relationship, there is no comfort to be found turning to sex without intimacy. "If people are in a relationship but not really communicating with one another, they will look for something else to satisfy them," she says.

"That might involve turning to alcohol or junk food, or in many cases finding a mistress or attending a swingers' club. I really believe that if a couple is well-grounded, loving and successful, it doesn't occur to them to want something else to nourish their relationship."

So are family values on the decline in the Capital and are we really lost to our urges?

"It could be argued perhaps that we live in a society that is more driven by instant gratification and therefore growing a relationship as we would have in the past is no longer an option," says Rev Peter Clark, of the Methodist Church in Nicolson Square, Edinburgh.

"For many people, relationships must be immediate, like fast food, but human relationships don't necessarily microwave very well and are things that need to be slow cooked."

Father Hone agrees that we need to pay more attention to the type of relationships we forge.

"Family values are changing and evolving," he says. "There's a move away from teaching family values and towards letting people decide for themselves, and that's giving people more freedom and in a sense more confidence, but also letting them down in terms of education or moral guidance.

"While the church takes a strong stance, the Catholic view is much more nuanced than people might think. We are not saying sex is bad and no sex is good but we are saying that sex is such a powerful drive it needs to be carefully dealt with, so it doesn't damage people.

"STIs, teenage and unwanted pregnancy, that's in part a consequence of a lack of guidance and people's increased freedom."

THE FALLOUT FROM ILLICIT THRILLS

SEXUALLY transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies are just two possible consequences of living a more promiscuous lifestyle. And while we might be becoming a more permissive society, one of the knock-on effect of illicit thrills seems to be higher rates of adultery and divorce.

Teenage pregnancy

NHS Lothian figures published earlier this year showed around 120 pregnancies a year among 13 to 15-year-olds - a 31 per cent rise in ten years. The shocking increase led to more than 1000 condoms a week being handed out free to children under 16 as part of a controversial safe-sex programme.

Abortion

The highest rates of terminated pregnancies occur among those women aged between 16 and 19, and nearly two-thirds of teenage pregnancies in the Lothians end in abortion, according to the latest figures.

NHS statistics show that, in 2005, there were 109 pregnancies among girls under the age of 16, which resulted in 69 abortions in the Lothians -the highest in Scotland.

Adultery and divorce

According to a recent study by the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, almost one-in-ten married men and one-in-20 married women in Britain had an affair in the last year. In Scotland last year, there were 13,013 divorces, an increase of 19 per cent on 2005. However, we do seem to be becoming more tolerant of affairs, or at least more able to work through problem patches in relationships. Adultery ended 17 per cent of marriages in 1981; but in 2005, it was only responsible for three per cent of divorces.

STIs

Sexually transmitted infection is now a major health issue - there was a 13 per cent increase in workload in genito-urinary medicine clinics between 2005 and 2006 alone, compared with ten per cent the previous year.

And within the first six months of this year, it was clear that the figures for 2007 will be even worse - with early statistics showing worrying signs of increases in chlamydia - a condition known as a "silent" disease because its symptoms are virtually hidden but which can lead to infertility - gonorrhoea and herpes. Chlamydia remains Scotland's most common STD, and gonorrhoea in women in particular has soared - cases were up 61 per cent in a year.