A FIREFIGHTER in Aberdeen has been sacked for being too tubby. Regular readers will know that tubbiness isn't something this column endorses, but in this case there seems a worrying lack of detail.
What was the specific litmus test that determined this firefighter was one belt size too big?
When it comes to being a firefighter, I'm not sure that tubbiness is a no-no.
On those occasions when you're pinned to the floor of a burning wareho
use by a fallen rafter, and you spot a figure wading through the toxic smoke, your first thought is not likely to be: "Help ma Boab – look at the size of that gallut! I don't want that hippo pulling me from the flames!"
As such, the determination of whether a firefighter should be a firefighter should surely be determined by a series of tasks – hauling a body-like weight down, measuring how quickly they can slide down a steel pole, seeing whether they can get a big hose out in a certain amount of time. These are simple measurements we can all understand.
An off-duty Edinburgh male firefighter once told me that those sort of things are what matters when it comes to being a firefighter, and it's difficult to disagree.
It's the same with most jobs – comedians can be judged on whether and how their audience laughs, and plumbers can be judged on their ability and willingness to install a washing machine or unblock a U-bend.
Weight should only be an issue when it comes to pub-based demeaning jokes/banter directed at the tubby one by their work colleagues.
It's surely appropriate for the fire brigade to explain what exactly the tubby fireman can't do any more. That way, everyone could be happy and/or start a fitness regime.
Of course, if being a firefighter was indeed determined by a series of specific firefighting tasks, this might impinge on other aspects of contemporary public service recruitment.
For example, the off-duty firefighter who explained to me his position on what matters in terms of being a firefighter, was talking specifically about the recruitment of female firefighters.
His point was that members of the public care about things like being carried out of a fire and want to know first and foremost that whatever firefighter arrives on the scene, then they can do the sack of potatoes thing down the big revolving ladder.
Just as fire victims do not care about the size or their firefighter so long as they can do the job, so they also don't care whether some target of gender recruitment has been met: "It's a pity you can't pull me from the burning fire but at least the HR manager can point to progress on her five-year gender recruitment plan. Ouch, this floor is getting hot."
Maybe there are things about the "modern fire brigade" that I don't understand. But all misunderstandings can be corrected by information and in the case of the Aberdonian fire chubster this has thus far been rather lacking.
Let us know what this person could or couldn't do. Given that they weren't even offered a switch to a desk job, presumably they must have become of such girth that they couldn't reach a keyboard.
Nicol's in a twist"Perhaps my announcement today should alert people to the demands placed on politicians and their families."
Perhaps you are right, Nicol Stephen MSP and recently-resigned leader of the mighty Scottish Lib Dems. Then again, perhaps your whiney announcement will simply remind ordinary voters how self-centred and self-serving too many politicians are.
Perhaps your announcement will simply depress those striving to hold a family together on a compensation package significantly less than your own.
You and all professional politicians spend a lot of their life competing to get into the political game.
So when it turns out that it's all too much for you, perhaps you could spare us your sad pontification and simply shuffle off into the subsidised-second home mortgage sunset.
The full article contains 682 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
