YOU’RE NOT sad and lonely.
LOCK AND KEY PARTIES Every woman gets a padlock, every man gets a key, then you are free to go off in search of your partner. Find your other half, swap sweet nothings, then return to the organisers to pick up another padlock.
HOLOGRAM DATING If you despair of the singletons in your home town, fear not, hologram dating could help locate your soulmate. This technological wizardry allows you to step into a booth from where your 3D image will be beamed across the globe. You supply your details - age, job, hobbies - and state what you’re looking for. The agency then matches you with a suitable partner in some far-off country, and cameras at either end of the link allow you to interact in real time. If you’re not impressed, you can simply switch them off. If you end up looking at Leslie Grantham, leave. Immediately.
TRAFFIC LIGHT PARTIES At the slightly seedier end of the market, traffic light parties are all about wearing your heart on your sleeve. Or your sexual intentions on your T-shirt. The idea is to go to the party wearing red, yellow or green. Red means you’re happily committed to your partner of ten years. Yellow means you’re quite content to sit on the fence - if someone takes your fancy you are open to suggestions. Green, on the other hand, sends a clear signal that you are out for what you can get. No small-talk required, you mean business.
ONLINE BILLBOARDS Internet chat rooms were once the preserve of desperate, lonely losers, but now the papers are filled with stories of wedded bliss that followed a chance online encounter. Recently, two women from Birmingham launched billboard dating. For a small fee you can arrange for your face to be splashed across a six-foot poster, the only text being a web address at which suitors can make contact. For super-models and egomaniacs only.
SPEED DATING Memorise your 30-second CV and off you go. This is for those who can’t be bothered making polite conversation with complete no-hopers. Guests are given three minutes with each candidate, before a bell rings and the men move on. You keep a scorecard and tick a box if you would like to see someone again. If they tick you as well, you are each given the other’s e-mail address and you’re all ready to live happily ever after.
THE QUIET PARTY If over-powering music, mobile phones and loudmouths at neighbouring tables have taken all the romance out of your recent dates, then quiet dating could be for you. Guests are provided with a pen and paper, and the only communication allowed is notes to your proposed partner. Body language aside, you are left to judge your date on their command of the English language.
BINGO DATING This one is particularly popular with students, which says it all, really. At the beginning of the night you are given a raffle ticket, and sent off into the midst of the meat market to seek out the matching half. The first couple to locate each other is guaranteed a lovely prize.
JAM TEXTING Traffic jams must rank among the most frustrating of life’s hiccups. But now you can relieve your boredom by dating your way through the tail-back. Jam texting, which kicked off in America (where else?), means that if you spot someone interesting in a car nearby, you can start up a text conversation. Motorists can register free and are given a phone number to which they send a message. It is then forwarded to the other person’s mobile phone, if they are also a member. If they’re not, the message is stored indefinitely and revealed if they do choose to join. Wonder if David Beckham will sign up?
TOOTHING This is one for those who have no interest in romance whatsoever. Using the Bluetooth technology on their mobile phones, Toothers send anonymous messages to each other, to arrange brief encounters. Strangers on trains, buses, in bars and even supermarkets can hook up for illicit meetings. The idea is to send a saucy message from your mobile, which will be received by any other Bluetooth-enabled equipment over a ten-metre range.
If the other party is interested, messages are exchanged until a suitable location is agreed - usually a public toilet, how delightful - although there are tales of more adventurous spots such as deserted train carriages or staff rooms. Hardly a great story to tell the grandchildren, but apparently it does happen.
