One can only speculate about the conversation in the
Oaten household last week.
Mark Oaten: "Ahem, err, dear?"
Mrs Oaten: "Yes, Mark?"
"The News of the World ha
ve just been on the phone."
"Yes dear?"
"It, um, would appear, ha-ha, that they're going to publish a story about me having some kind of affair."
"Oh my goodness."
"An affair with a prostitute."
"Oh, the cads."
"A male one."
"Oh my."
"And, err, it's true."
"Oh. Never mind, dear, pass the butter knife."
I've never had a political career. My nascent student one was strangled by electile failure and complete disillusionment. I've never had a political career but I bet a really good way of killing one stone dead is to be revealed to have had a long-running affair with a gentleman of negotiable virtue while married to someone else.
As with all these scandals, I find myself shaking my head and wondering why polticians take the risk. If you want to be a political high-flyer you should put your vices on hold until you have achieved all your goals. Then, once you're an elder statesman, you can shag as many prostitutes, take as many bungs, drink as many bottles of whisky and snort as many lines as you like. Hell, do them all at once and throw in something with bungee ropes and donkeys if you like.
If you want to wallow in excess and pursue a career at the same time, become a journalist.
Having said that, I don't approve of prostitution. It's not because I'm a prude (though I am) but because I believe some things should not be bought and sold. I know that many sex workers feel they have no choice but I see prostitution as the ultimate expression of capitalism, turning the most intimate parts of our lives into a commodity. More good reasons for frowning on this kind of thing can be found in
Amnesty International's report on sex trafficking.
But if buying sex is your bag, the internet is your medium. I'm not going to direct my clean-living readers to any actual sites that allow you to buy sex but I will send you to one that discusses such matters. Needless to say, it deals with sexual matters in a frank way.
Having washed my hands thoroughly before and after I took a look at
punter.net a very Not Safe For Work site offering user reviews of brothels across the UK.
Yes, I'm afraid you read that correctly: "user reviews of brothels across the UK". Yes, I feel dirty. No, it's not remotely erotic. It is instead - and I'm going to be pejorative here - the soulless writings of sad, lonely men who take delight in using others. If you're a sad, lonely men who takes delight in using others and are offended by that then tough shit.
An altogether jollier "sex for sale" experience can be found in the question of the week on the always lively
b3ta.com, which this week asks "Have you ever paid for sex?" Many of the answers are hilarious. Sadly, as this is a family publication I can't really repeat any of them. (And I certainly would not publish the one that ends: "Oh, and to top it off, I was able to put it down as expenses!!!" lest I find the Finance Department getting the wrong idea crawling over my future - and totally legitimate - expenses claims.)
I think I will leave the last word on the issues surrounding the Oaten affair to
Blairwatch (chronicling the demise of the New Labour project: "Something, finally had to get that
now dead whale off the bloody news!"
