THREE hundred and eighty pounds for manure. That's an awful lot of dung. Two thousand pounds to repair a burst pipe – under a tennis court! The scale and the absurdity of MPs' expenses claims seem to know no end.
The problem is that for any straight and above-board elected representatives the term honest politician has become an oxymoron. Rather like an anticipated surprise or a farewell reception the word "honest" just does not seem to fit anything to do wit
h politics.
True, the public already has a low opinion of MPs, MSPs and councillors because they promise the earth and deliver the moon, but now their whole moral purpose is open to question, as they just look like they are on the make. All of them.
Of course this is unfair on the ones who are diligent, scrupulously careful, prudent even. There are many who are like that. Nor can the finger be pointed at one party, one group. Frankly, they are all at it.
It used to be said that when it came to political scandals in Britain for Labour it was usually another brown envelope, for the Tories it was usually another woman, and for Liberals it was usually another man. This was a gross exaggeration, but like all stereotypes it had some origin in fact.
Now, just as their political policies are all the same, so too are the scandals. When it comes to sexual peccadilloes all parties are as entertaining as one another and when it comes to money, well, they are all as bad as one another.
Not to be outdone by Labour's revelations last week and the Tories' turn this week we now know the SNP's Westminster leader Angus Robertson claimed £400 for a home cinema system but is holding back from repaying the money, while the Liberal Democrat members are astonished to find their party is no better. A trouser press and fluffy dusters add to the usual second-home decorations and mortgage interest payments.
Currently, and I write that in hesitant expectation that it may be yet bettered, the worst offence appears to be Elliot Morley claiming interest on a mortgage that had already been paid off. This looks rather like a police affair – if Labour had any sense, having suspended Morley they would insist he resign and take the consequences of a by-election.
I recall that when I was an MSP I asked to see all of my expenses submissions so that I could conduct an audit. I found that over my six years there had been £250 of taxis that, while in pursuit of my political work, could be considered to be party political rather than parliamentary. I volunteered to repay them immediately and took the justifiable attacks on the chin.
I had not been drinking the money, eating the money nor gambling the money, but I had crossed a rather hazy line and I was embarrassed and contrite.
Unlike one MSP I had not driven the equivalent of four times round the world, nor used the ministerial car to go shopping, but I had erred.
Holyrood was getting it in the neck at that time as it was the only expenses show in town, but one former MP I spoke to then told me that it was far worse at Westminster – now it is clear he was right.
What then is to be done? With a plague on all politicians' houses, how can they extricate themselves from this mess? Abolishing all expenses would not recognise just how expensive it is to do the job properly – especially in London where everything is exorbitant. Care has to be taken that any changes don't shut the door on the honest poor or even the modest middle class from entering politics because they can't afford to.
The answer lies in the salary. The primary reason that expenses in both Westminster and Holyrood have become a source of income, or more accurately income offsetting, is because the salaries are far less than many lucrative jobs elsewhere at a time when the pressure has been on politicians to keep their own salary increases low. It was always easier to vote through uplifts in expenses, and that's exactly what they have been doing.
MPs and MSPs are paid well by anyone's standards. But when they are actually being paid less than many respected positions, such as headteachers of schools, managers of hospitals, high-ranking police officers and most senior officials in our councils, it is no surprise that many of those with the finest minds and cleanest motives choose not to enter politics. The scene is now littered with professional politicians who have often never held down even a paper round.
The answer must be to reduce the expenses to the bare minimum, such as reasonable travel – so that representing all corners of our islands is not a disadvantage – ending the second home allowance and giving daily rate that is the same for everyone – while recognising that the salary should increase.
At least we could console ourselves that thanks to Chancellor Darling any pay increase will be more heavily taxed than the tax-exempt expenses trough.
