EDINBURGH has some of the finest tattoo and piercing shops in the UK. People who seek either tattoos or piercings are undoubtedly some of the finest people on the planet.
The truth of both of these statements doesn't affect the fact that I and many others find tattoos or piercings as appealing as watching a tonsillectomy.
Furthermore I'm not alone in this; a 2008 study of 18-24-year-olds – hardly fuddy-duddy "remem
ber the 1970s fuel crisis" types – found that a majority would rather not work with someone with visible tattoos. Not, however, because of aesthetic considerations, but because they feared it might cost them lost income.
It's not my fault that when confronted by a shop assistant with a nail protruding from their bottom lip I wince and can't count my change correctly. Wincing isn't something you have much control over. Nor is it some form of judgement; I'm not thinking less of the person as such – I just can't look at the thing. It's all belly reaction and not quick-time analysis.
That said, one does have to wonder what the point of these things is? As anyone with a thin, leather tie in their wardrobe can tell you, we are all prey to the pressures of fashion. Piercing and tattoos seem to be one more aspect thereof.
Arguably the strongest long-term fashion movement – and this goes back beyond 50s rockers and their look – has been for nice, ordinary people to display some of the trappings of those on the very edge of society.
Tattoos were for a long time the preserve of exceptional ne'er-do-wells and/or sailors. Just as it's now possible to buy a hugely expensive Gucci biker's jacket, Janice from accounts can pop in to Spike-U-Like and emerge with a skull and crossbones tattoo that will strike fear into all others seeking to use the photocopier.
The big difference being that while you can at some point donate your worst Sex and the City-inspired fashion horror dresses, getting rid of the tattoo is going to take more than mere elbow grease. Perhaps this is the attraction of the pen and ink – a show of defiant commitment to individual choice.
Like fashion, there comes a point where commonplace appearance becomes a negative. Seeing the same H&M dress three times in one day instantly devalues it, unless you work there. When one notices the so-called "tramp stamp" visible on a woman's lower back as she bends down to pick up a ream of A4, one does not think much other than "there's another one of those tattoo things". There isn't time to appreciate the subtle skill of the tattoo artist and his or her ability to weave roses and snakes into the one design.
Incidentally, I have no problem calling these operatives tattoo artists any more than I have a problem calling those whose clothes appear in Primark and Poundstretcher fashion designers; the title alone doesn't signify talent.
Nor does having a tattoo or piercing doesn't make you more interesting. A boring man or woman with the word 'peace' written in Chinese on their upper arm is still first and foremost a boring man or woman.
If decorative art could truly change people then Jack McConnell could have saved his reign with a lunchtime walk from Holyrood to that nice shop midway down Cockburn Street. And for those interested in the next big thing, take a look at byblair.com; the home of a body artist specialising in – brace yourself – branding and scarification.
I'm backing horsesIT'S fantastic news about the increase in mounted police to patrol the so-called Meadows – a notorious local no-go area – during the forthcoming so-called summer. There is something about police on horses that makes one immediately stop and double-check that you've not got some crime to confess. Furthermore their appearance also provides a feeling of robust security that a heavily armoured police van somehow doesn't.
Perhaps this is the way forward. Could we not, as part of the Grassmarket's exciting rejuvenation, bring back the stocks and allow us to throw locally-harvested vegetables at miscreants?
Choo-choo this overWHO would have believed it? The railway companies conspire to hide cheaper fares from passengers. The best quote from excellent investigation of this all-too-predictable scam comes when the National Rail Enquires operator, in response to the highlighting of a cheaper fare option, asks: "How do you know about this?"
Funny that in a week when it became clear how commonplace it is to find top secret al-Qaida documents on trains, the one thing the Government and its operatives will go to no end to protect is how cheaply one might travel on trains in the first place.
