Piggy-back politicians take shine off winners

YOU know how there are some sports commentators whose voice you find rather irritating? There is something worse in the world of sport that we are going to get plenty of soon enough, and that is the sight of politicians thrusting themselves into handshake sessions with successful sportsmen and women.

It is a particularly low form of piggy-backing someone else's efforts so it's no surprise that British politicians have become rather good at it. And although we are going to see some truly Olympian efforts over the next few weeks – the Male Politicians' 100 Metre Dash to be Seen Kicking A Football with a Famous Striker is always a goodie – it's not only in athletics that one gets this. During the recent spate of Scottish footballing victories it was all you could do to stop Scottish politicians acting as ballboys.

Here is what happened. At some point in the late last century, politicians realised that getting themselves photo-opportunities with successful sportspeople was an uncontroversial route to positive publicity. Barely have the knackered footballers or athletes had time to get their duty free out of the overhead bins before they are being glad-handed down the exit steps to stand with some gormless politician beaming from ear to ear as though they personally had been getting up at 4am every day for the past ten years to coach sprint training sessions down the local canal path.

Sportspeople are generally polite and "just pleased to have had the opportunity" and therefore seldom particularly concerned that their efforts have been hijacked by someone who had as much to do with them being on the podium as I do with Mamma Mia! being a worldwide musical phenomenon.

While it might be argued that it is politicians that get behind certain sports when it comes to funding, the truth is that all the support politicians provide is done with our taxes. Politicians provide nothing themselves.

And just as you or I don't expect to be applauded for being enthusiastic, so they shouldn't expect to get some sort of halo for working out how they can get to the airport in time to meet the next BA jumbo from Beijing without interfering with the rigorous, impartial interviews they are holding that day to decide which members of their own family are going to be employed providing "office duties" at the taxpayers' expense.

What is really insulting about this sort of behaviour is how dumb the politicians think we must be and how dumb we must actually be to put up with it. Even if we allow for it being politicians who channel much of the funding for British sport, it is seldom the same politician at the bottom of the gangway as it was when the funding was started. Sometimes it's not even the same party.

Politicians standing around trying to get some glow from successful sportspeople is the mass media equivalent of spam; a useless, inauthentic bit of non-informative rubbish that clogs up your visual inbox.

So just remember, the next time you see a politician doing the "great for the country at large" bit on the tarmac, they are claiming credit for something you as a taxpayer paid for, and they as a politician (given their wages also come from our taxes) contributed nothing to. Politicians should be forced to turn up and welcome home all those who don't do so well. After all, it's the effort that they always say is so important. Did anyone see any MSPs waving the plane down as Rangers returned from Lithuania? Didn't think so.

Worth a gamble
It's a shame that RBS has lost rather a lot of money, but hardly unexpected in the current climate. Taking on the world's biggest banking takeover at more or less exactly the wrong time is hardly ideal.

Of course this can only be stated with the use of those most brilliant of devices – 20/20 hindsight binoculars. Hopefully there won't be major fall-out for the Edinburgh area but even if there is, the overall positive impact this company has had on this city cannot be underestimated.

So let's cut RBS some slack. It would be a very Scottish thing to start moaning about the most successful company we've had in years just because some of the calculated risks they have taken turn out to have been, er, risks.

We don't wear it well
Thank goodness the heavy rain is back. It's been almost embarrassing to have to tell visitors not to worry about packing an umbrella for a summer in Scotland.

Scottish people themselves don't even look comfortable in sunny weather, sitting around Princes Street Gardens with all the decorum of convicts who have been ordered to undress.

And until we do something about the national body shape, I would prefer it was kept covered up by a decent knee-length anorak.