Kayt Turner: 'Sadly there is no plan to make the city populace as stylish as the new tram system'

GETTING into work in the mornings has become a real problem. Not the usual one of not actually wanting to leave the warmth of my own cosy bed – that has always been with me, and probably always will.

No, it's the finding your way around all the roadworks. Half of Edinburgh has been dug up to allow preparatory work to start on the new tram system. The other half is being dug up in preparation for the preparatory work. It means that Edinburgh citizens are now working on a guerrilla-style counter-information on which routes are open and which aren't.

I was running very, very late this morning – you know, when you leave the house 20 minutes after you were meant to arrive – and before we could even move off, my taxi driver had to take me through a litany of streets that he couldn't use. All in all, a journey that takes me 30 minutes to walk took 20 in a cab and cost me nearly a tenner for the pleasure. Cue my arrival at work not in the best of moods, treating my colleagues to some choice and liberal usage of Ye Olde Anglo-Saxon.

But surely, you may say, all this trauma will be worth it when the eco-friendly trams start gliding up and down the streets of Our Nation's Capital? Well, no. Not for me. You see the problem with public transport is, well, the public.

Let's put aside for a moment the standard issue of the noise coming from people's iPods. (The last time I was on a bus, the guy at the front had his iPod on so loud that the rest of the top deck were able to sing along. To his enormous embarrassment. Maybe he'll think twice before inflicting show tunes on the rest of the office-going public again.) The more serious problem is that people use the bus like their own front room. They sit with their feet up on the seats, and it's obviously pointless asking if they would do that to the furniture at home – they plainly would. Bags are piled on seats, when it's patently obvious that the bus is packed and everyone else is desperately looking for somewhere to park their bahookie.

Then there's the eating. When did a bus stop become the perfect place to tuck into your breakfast? Or your elevenses, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner, supper and late night snack? Do these people never stop?

What really gets to me, however, is the BO. It's one thing to have to sit next to someone who is obviously a stranger to the Lifebuoy, but to expect me to stand next to them as they hang onto a pole – exposed oxters just inches away from other passengers' faces – is quite another, thank you.

The theory is that people like me who avoid buses will somehow be enthusiastic about sleek, comfortable, speedy trams. Our civic leaders are convinced we will find this mode of transport stylish and sophisticated. The flaw in this argument is simple: as far as I know there is no plan to make the Edinburgh populace as stylish and sophisticated as their new transport system.

No, they won't make a convert out of me. I'm happy to leave public transport to the general public. Yet I do wish the trams, when they finally arrive, every success. It'll help leave the taxis free for the rest of us.