Mirren's views on date rape are dangerous.. just ask my old friend

A FRIEND of mine was date raped once. It seems like a lifetime ago, but to her it may as well have been yesterday.

From the moment I got the phone call from her afterwards, inconsolable and devastated, she became a different person. And, for a long, long time, the lights had gone out in her eyes.

She refused to report it. It was her fault for getting into his bed in the first place, she reasoned. Even it only was to sleep off the excess wine she had drunk. When she gave in to my demands to go to the police, she was told, unofficially of course, it would never make it to court. It would be too hard to prove.

I watched that friend of mine press the self-destruct button and allow herself to be treated in the most abhorrent of ways. That was all she was worth, after all.

So when I read Helen Mirren apparently believes women who claim they have been raped after willingly going to bed with a man can't expect their attackers to be charged, I was furious. Furious that another woman could be so thoughtless and ignorant. Furious that another woman could disrespect the violation and degradation that some women have to endure.

Apparently, her view is that if a woman ends up in a man's bedroom voluntarily, gets into bed and takes her clothes off, if he forces himself on her, she doesn't really have the right to take him to court. And this belief has already been condemned as "dangerous".

According to Solicitor General Vera Baird: "It casts doubt at the edges of what she thinks might not be rape."

I completely agree. While every woman in the country knows just what rape means, the lines have been blurred over recent years and the crime often demeaned through certain ruthless crying wolf women seeking revenge against men. So some victims out there – my friend included – believe that reporting such a crime isn't worth the hassle. Or worse, it's their own fault.

While new legislation, however, will force men to prove that sex was consensual– even if the woman had drank her entire body weight in alcohol and was naked, swinging from the chandeliers – it does portend future problems and potential injustices for men.

A balance is key. A balance which protects men against those who cry wolf, and those who get so drunk they wake up with no recollection of the night before . . . even though they declared their undying love for the bloke. And a balance which encourages women to be responsible for their own actions, protects them should the worst happen and gives them the confidence to do something about it. Helen Mirren's words hardly do that.

And my friend? Well, thankfully she met someone who pressed stop on her self-destruct mode and picked up the pieces. She's now happily married with a child on the way. But, I still see the fear in her eyes and the colour drain from her face every time she has to see him walking down the streets of Edinburgh.

And I still feel the shame – and also anger – she now feels for doing absolutely nothing about it.